A new job for a gem of a woman!

There’s this thing that happens at Genius You. A process that liberates and is mind-blowingly effective at getting us what we want. I call it defence smashing.

A lot of the time we operate in an automated way. We have a heap of behaviours that we default to when we feel under emotional threat. Most of the time we’re unaware that this is happening or, if we are, we can’t figure out what’s going on and do anything about it.

The more often that these default behaviours occur, the more destructive they become. We become powerless, self-esteem takes a dive and being miserable becomes a regular feature.

If this sums up your situation, it’s time for some defence smashing.

Last month one of my client’s did just that. We started working together because she was stuck in a job. She loved her colleagues, but the job wasn’t what she wanted. There was little sense of satisfaction. It wasn’t aligned with what she wanted to do and she felt there was no way out.

No matter how strong her desire was to go for the ‘job of her dreams’, she was stuck; in quicksand.

Yes, her default behaviours came into play and they were perpetuated by those close to her. Those that said, in a well-intentioned way, ‘you are right to not take risk, stay safe, don’t rock the boat.’ On the surface this can be seen as giving support and this is the way my client took it, but it actually perpetuated the stuck.

Let the defence smashing begin.

We needed to see what’s going on. Yes, I know it’s an obvious thing to say, but there’s a need to be methodical. We did this by tracking her inner voice. Listening and recording,

the self-arguments, the justifications, her thoughts. Examining and starting to unravel the links between behaviours, thoughts and beliefs.

What we discovered is that she was petrified of disappointment. ‘If I fail at this, my heart will be broken and I will never recover’.

So, how could we turn disappointment into something that was the opposite; liberating, positive, life changing? Short answer. Learn how to use it properly.

“Disappointment is not telling you to retreat. It’s saying, if you want this baby, fight for it. Go hard, until it’s yours. Create a cheerleading squad that’s going to champion you, because this feeling isn’t going away until you score gold.”

This proved to be a defence smashing moment.

It’s now four weeks later and she nailed it. The job of her dreams. It was a momentous occasion, she cried, I cried, her family were ecstatic.

I loved working with this superhuman. She now understands that her capability isn’t finite and what she aspires to become is always in reach.

And the lesson of the day is:

We have the power to change things, when we understand why we can’t.